This week Bobbi Conner talks with Dr. Rebeca Castellanos about how to support a friend who is grieving the loss of a loved one. Dr. Castellanos is a clinical psychologist and Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at MUSC.
TRANSCRIPT:
Conner: I'm Bobbi Conner for South Carolina Public Radio with Health Focus here at the radio studio for the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston. Support from friends and family can be an essential part of coping with the loss of a loved one, but sometimes we're not exactly sure how to help. Doctor Rebeca Castellanos is here to talk about how to be a good friend to someone who is grieving. Doctor Castellanos is a clinical psychologist, and she's an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at MUSC. Doctor Castellanos, what are some of the best ways to offer support to a friend in the earliest stages of grieving the loss of a loved one?
Dr. Castellanos: So, I like to think of two aspects of support that are important. There's emotional support and then there's logistical support. So emotional support is going to be making space for that friend to feel whatever they need to feel, because they might be going through a very wide range of emotions sadness, anger, denial. They might be experiencing just a range of emotions. And so just allowing your friend to experience whatever they're experiencing, not correcting that experience. And then there's the other aspect that's more practical support. So that can be bringing a casserole over, which can be really helpful, but also offering other things that might be helpful for that friend. So, things like offering childcare or mowing their lawn, showing up and doing dishes, practical things that can really help somebody get through those very early stages.
Conner: How can we be supportive or what sort of help to offer in the weeks and months ahead for a friend who is coping with grief?
Dr. Castellanos: It's an excellent question, because something that's really common with grief is that people receive a flood of support at the beginning, and then as time passes by, they may not receive as much support. So, what I recommend is making a grief calendar. So, make sure that you put it in your calendar six months out, a year out, to check in with that friend and ask them if there's something that they need, if there's something that you like to do. And also make sure that you put other important dates in that calendar like birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, death anniversaries of that person that was lost.
Conner: How can we be a good listener to our friend who is grieving?
Dr. Castellanos: A really key aspect here is to listen without judgment. Again, remembering that every loss is very unique, that there's going to be a lot of factors that influence how somebody is responding to loss. And so that can look like, you know, what we call in psychotherapy, reflective listening. So sometimes repeating back the emotional aspect of what somebody is saying can be really important in just validating that person's experience of whatever it is that they're feeling.
Conner: And, not trying to fix things or offer specific advice.
Dr. Castellanos: Yeah, exactly. So, our pull as humans is to try to fix things, and that's not necessarily what sometimes people need. You know, I always say with grief, the only way is through. You have to go through it. And so there's no bypassing it, if you will. And so having somebody to go through it with you to allow you to feel what you're going through can be really important.
Conner: Doctor Castellanos, thanks for this information about helping a friend who is experiencing grief.
Dr. Castellanos: You're welcome.
Conner: From the radio studio for the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston, I'm Bobbi Conner for South Carolina Public Radio.
Health Focus transcripts are intended to accurately represent the original audio version of the program; however, some discrepancies or inaccuracies may exist. The audio format serves as the official record of Health Focus programming.
