*This story contains graphic details of domestic violence
Beth Young doesn’t remember how she met her first husband.
She says maybe it’s her mind’s way of protecting her from the past or perhaps it was the beating that left her hospitalized.
“I just, all I can remember is this ugly, ugly night,” says Young.
The abuse
That ugly night, 35 years ago, Young says her then husband kidnapped her with the family car in an alcohol fueled rage.
“I don’t know where we’re going, but he’s telling me, ‘I’m taking you. I’m going to kill you and I’m going to leave your body on my mom’s grave,’” she says.
Young says her spouse repeatedly struck her as he drove. Her face was bloody and her body battered when eventually, he dragged her from the car. She says she had no idea where she was. But she could feel brush from the woods scraping against her skin. Then, she felt the barrel of a shotgun pressed against her head.
“And I just started praying for God to take care of my kids, my babies,” she says.
Instead of shooting her, Young says her then spouse turned the gun around and beat her with it. She says she woke up in the hospital with him whispering a warning in her ear.
“He said, ‘If you tell them I did this, you’ll never see your kids again.'"
Young says her ex had abused her before, but nothing like this. Their two daughters were just 8 months and four years old.
“My oldest daughter wouldn’t come near me because she was afraid of me. She said I looked like a monster,” says Young.
Young says she knew she had to save herself and her kids. But she didn’t know how until a woman in a grocery store saw her bruises and gave her a card. It was for a domestic violence shelter.
“And I went home and threw as many clothes as I could for me and my girls in a garbage bag,” says Young. “And I packed some food and I left. I had $11.”
Leaving
That night, Young says she slept at a Lowcountry shelter, sharing a twin bed with her girls.
“I’ll remember this night for always,” she says. “I’m safe. My girls are safe and we’re never going back.”
Just telling her story, Young says she relives it. But she’s willing to do so in hopes of helping others.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that at least three women die every day at the hands of a partner. A man loses his life every two days.
“It’s hard to hear any survivor’s story, but then when you’re friends with them and know them, it becomes even more difficult,” says Young’s longtime friend Kristin Dubrowski.
Dubrowski is the CEO of Hopeful Horizons, a domestic abuse treatment center in Beaufort. She got Young involved serving on the boards of organizations that help survivors, including the South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Abuse and Sexual Assault. Young was both a board member and a president.
Dubrowski has also worked as a counselor. She says there’s often a pattern of isolation and control in domestic violence situations that can be difficult to break.
“A lot of times it’s presented as a positive thing,” says Dubrowski. “Maybe like, ‘oh you don’t need to work. I can take care of both of us.’”
Recovery
Looking back, Young admits she was isolated. She had no family of her own. She’d been abused by her father. And, she didn’t have a job when she left her husband.
“I struggled,” she says. “I had electricity cut off. I had water cut off. But I made it.”
Young says she made, in part, because of a shelter. It’s where her youngest took her first steps and a cake was donated for her eldest’s fifth birthday. She remembers buying the few chicken wings she could afford for a birthday picnic at Beaufort's Waterfront Park.
“Not too many year ago we were talking about it, and she was like ‘Mom that’s one of my best birthday memories.’”
Young says she’s grateful. She survived. And she remarried, recently celebrating 29 years.
“Life is so good on the other side,” she says. “I promise you.”
She encourages anyone suffering abuse to seek help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE.